The Problem With Perfectionism

Vocab Review:

Detail-oriented (adj.): Describing someone who pays close attention to small details.

Example: He is so detail-oriented that he notices mistakes no one else sees.

Pinterest-worthy (adj.): So visually perfect or attractive that it looks ready to be shared online.

Example: She redecorated her room to make it completely Pinterest-worthy.

Ironically (adv.): Used when something happens in the opposite way to what was expected.

Example: Ironically, the shortcut ended up taking longer than the original route.

Crippling (adj.): So severe that it prevents someone from functioning normally.

Example: He felt crippling doubt before making the decision.

Spectrum (n.): A range of different levels or positions between two extremes.

Example: Opinions on success exist on a wide spectrum.

Debilitating (adj.): So damaging that it weakens someone mentally or physically.

Example: Constant criticism can have a debilitating effect on confidence.

Procrastination (n.): The act of delaying or postponing something.

Example: Procrastination often increases when tasks feel overwhelming.

Phenomenon (n.): A fact or situation that is observed to happen.

Example: Remote work has become a global phenomenon.

Merit (n.): The quality of being good or worthy of consideration.

Example: There is some merit in taking your time before making a big choice.

Inherited (adj.): Received from parents or previous generations.

Example: He inherited his strong work ethic from his family.

Innate (adj.): A quality or ability that you are born with.

Example: Some people have an innate sense of curiosity.

Social hierarchy (n. phrase): A system in which people are ranked according to status.

Example: Schools often reflect a subtle social hierarchy among students.

Mediocrity (n.): The state of being average and not very good.

Example: He accepted mediocrity in minor tasks so he could focus on bigger goals.

Unrealistic standards (n. phrase): Expectations that are impossible or extremely difficult to achieve.

Example: Setting unrealistic standards can lead to constant frustration.

Pitfalls (n.): Hidden dangers or difficulties.

Example: One of the pitfalls of ambition is burnout.

 The Problem With Perfectionism

When someone says they are a perfectionist, you might imagine someone highly productive and detail-oriented. They've got a beautiful office and a Pinterest-worthy stack of color-coated notebooks and binders. You know, the kind of person who just wins at everything, their boss loves them, their family praises them, and their friends admire them.

Well, ironically, research from multiple universities has shown that the life of a perfectionist is often the exact opposite. Instead of being highly productive, a perfectionist is much more likely to have a crippling fear of failure which leads to procrastination, mental illness, lower income, etc. But before we talk about how bad it is to be a perfectionist and why we should absolutely not embrace this self-sabotaging character trait, what exactly is a perfectionist?

Perfectionism is a spectrum with several different levels, which is why it affects so many people. In fact, today it is reported that up to 90% of people are affected by perfectionism in some way. The groups of people who suffer the most are typically young professionals and students, who, due to social media, feel that they not only need to do things perfectly, but that they themselves need to be perfect. In one survey, over 80 percent of students said that their desire for perfection holds them back both in and out of school.

Research from the University of British Columbia has shown that perfectionism is actually a "debilitating mindset." Perfectionist thinkers are much more likely to suffer from unrealistic standards, extreme procrastination, fear of failure, and low self-esteem.  The real problem here is that perfection simply does not exist, so when someone demands unrealistic expectations from themselves (like perfection), they are setting themselves up for guaranteed disappointment and failure. In fact, psychologist Luoyi Chen at the University of New South Wales says that the pressure of unrealistic expectations is the leading cause of procrastination and low self-esteem in students and adults. 

Moreover, perfectionism is a trait that's often linked with several mental illnesses such as depression, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and anxiety. Because most of the brain's energy is wasted on the extra stress  and self-criticism that come with unrealistically high standards, perfectionists often become socially isolated. And when you combine social isolation with self-criticism, disappointment, and low self-esteem, it's just a matter of time before your mental health deteriorates and causes mental illness.

Dr. Shefali, a bestselling author and mental health worker, says that perfectionism is a strange phenomenon that stems from a societal shift towards equality and meritocracy. Meritocracy is a social system where those with the most ability and merit can hold the power, rather than the old ages where power is inherited through families. While meritocracy is a sign of true equality, it encourages high standards and overcompetitiveness. Dr. Shefali states that the combination of meritocracy and our innate desire to climb the social hierarchy is a recipe for disaster. Ironically, however, the more someone struggles with perfectionism, the more likely they are to stagnate in their career and even earn a lower than average salary.

With all of this, it might be surprising that today, most people still consider being a perfectionist as a "badge of honor."

Luckily though, if you are someone who struggles with perfectionism, there are a few things you can do to kick that bad habit.

The most common first step in recovering from this toxic mindset is to constantly remind yourself that your goal is progress, not perfection. For example, every day when you get to work before you start studying, remind yourself that there is no such thing as perfection, there is only progress, and often times, doing something wrong is the only way to learn how to do it well.

Another method to try is selective-mediocrity. This is when you give yourself permission to be average, or even do the bare-minimum. If you are juggling several tasks or several classes at school, the worst thing you can do is add unrealistic standards into the mix. For example, ask yourself, what would a lazy person do who is just skating by? And then just try and do a little bit better than whatever you imagined.

Finally, if you are indeed a perfectionist, you have to get rid of the "all-or-nothing" mentality. One of the most common pitfalls of perfectionists is that they set themselves up with unattainable goals and then, when they don’t complete their goals 100%, they say that they failed. For instance, a perfectionist might say they need to run 10 km each time they go out and run, and if they only ran 5 km, they failed and they might not want to run again because of the pain of that failure. It's much better to just do what you can and try to be happy with your achievements and if you want to, you can occasionally try and do a bit better than before.

Having high goals is great because it can push you beyond what you might normally think is possible, but you also a human being with emotions and hormones. In the end, the world doesn’t need delayed perfection. It needs constant progress, it needs you to just show up and do what you can.